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communication

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Flying by the seat of your pants – ad libbing with confidence and skill
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In my last post I discussed the issue of speaking off the cuff, the fear many people have of losing control, and the fact that technology hasn’t helped us grow our confidence muscle. It’s the topic most often raised in my training room, by people of all levels of seniority, in all sectors. There are tips on preparation and rehearsal; banishing perfectionism and desensitising ourselves to ad libbing. Here’s another nugget – a magical word. Several. When used in response to a challenge or a tricky, unexpected question, it creates the illusion of ordered thinking, structure and control. You’ll look…

December 1, 2023 Read more
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Stacking the dishwasher can make us better at ad libbing…
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I spent some of the bank holiday (quite a lot of it actually) sorting my kitchen cupboards. There was a lot of rationalisation to be done. For example, I discovered three half-empty jars of garam masala (BTW what even is that????). Now there’s one full jar. The contents of several bags of self-raising flour are now gloriously combined, and a random collection of water bottles has been transformed into a shelf of beauty, as you see in the ‘photo above. You may have deduced that I am slightly controlling or, with a more positive spin, I have good attention to…

August 29, 2023 Read more
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Careful not to mistake an innocent for a traitor – the challenge of online communication
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One of the most interesting aspects of the excellent BBC TV series Traitors, apart from Claudia Winkleman’s eye liner, was the inability of the contestants to read each other. Time and again we witnessed them analysing their fellow ‘guests’ and getting it wrong. They repeatedly misinterpreted body language, comments and behaviour. They were in a state of high alert, they were being hyper sensitive and observant and still they came to the wrong conclusions. On numerous occasions. It reminded me of Malcolm Gladwell’s book Talking to Strangers in which he also explores how human beings are so often so bad…

May 7, 2023 Read more
PURPLE SNOW DROP
Why the Victoria Line might not be the best place to display your dirty undies……
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Last Saturday, in the space of five hours, I witnessed three unusual events. Three deeply private conversations conducted in public. The first was in a packed tube carriage. A young couple were engrossed in a heated argument about his (alleged) lack of empathy in the relationship. The girl was upset and angry. He remained mostly silent, and was clearly in a state of excruciating embarrassment. Later that afternoon I cycled past a middle-aged man and his son who were having a forthright discussion while walking across Clapham common. As I pedalled by, the dad was saying “And why is it…

February 1, 2023 Read more
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The most precious Christmas gift of all – no wrapping required (it’s not a scented candle)
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I’m going Christmas shopping today.  On my list are a variety of gifts including Ferrero Rochers, a suitcase, a kettle, posh pants and a onesie. Obvs also a brace of scented candles. I can’t wait to see the faces of the recipients when they open them. These are things I know they want because I’ve been listening out all year for small references to coveted items (admittedly nobody ever mentioned the candles but who can resist the subtle aromas of pomegranate and cardamom????). But there’s one gift I want to give everyone this year, even people I won’t ever play…

December 4, 2022 Read more
Inclusive and effective communication – we need to learn to ‘read the air’
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I’ve just finished reading Erin Meyer’s fabulous book, The Culture Map (https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-culture-map/erin-meyer/9781610392761) and I wanted to share some of its content with you because she’s opened my eyes to some surprising and immensely useful tools which can help us all communicate more effectively and more inclusively. Meyer is an INSEAD professor. Her ideas on cross cultural communication draw on three decades living and working around the globe. She’s identified the differences which exist between cultures in 8 areas – general communication, giving feedback, persuading, leading, decision making, trust, disagreeing and scheduling. And her premise is that if we understand these…

September 25, 2022 Read more
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Two ears, one mouth – a formula for dealing with challenge
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July 18 was World Listening Day. A brilliant reminder of one of our most important communication skills (we do have two ears and one mouth, after all). And a prompt to heed Buddha’s excellent observation: “If your mouth is open, you’re not learning”. The concept of listening to an opposing viewpoint rather than shouting it down or silencing it is one of my passions, and it’s part of my RATIO technique. The idea for RATIO struck me in the middle of a conversation with a dear friend who happens to hold very different political views to me. She expressed an…

August 2, 2022 Read more
PURPLE SNOW DROP
Authenticity and humility – the keys to an audience’s attention (and wallet)
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I recently had the terrifying pleasure of MC-ing a charity fundraising ball for Home Start (Wandsworth) – a brilliant organisation which gives families a helping hand when they’re going through a rough patch. https://www.home-start.org.uk/about-us I’ve worked on corporate events for two decades so I’m ok in front of a crowd. In fact, it’s a role I relish because you can genuinely contribute to the success of a conference by making the audience feel included; by facilitating interesting conversations; by setting an appropriate tone for the occasion. At the average corporate gig, the objective of the host is to extract, solicit…

May 28, 2022 Read more
PURPLE SNOW DROP
Please don’t apologise, but do say sorry…
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Will Smith’s Instagram message to Chris Rock has prompted me to consider the issue of apologising and how to do it well.  I believe it’s one of THE most important communication skills – one which can salvage marriages, avert wars, restore friendships and save corporate reputations. Meanwhile, the absence of an apology, or one delivered poorly, can do irreparable damage to relationships of all kinds. One of the simple communication tools for life I offer 10 year olds in schools is ‘the power of the apology’.  We call it The Dog Ate My Prep. It’s a three part process: The…

March 31, 2022 Read more
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Not yours to kill, Mr Craig – the danger of disrespecting your audience
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I’ve done an entirely unscientific piece of research among everyone I’ve ever met, to solicit their reaction to the latest Bond movie. DO NOT READ ON IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT Responses ranged from ‘devastated’ to ‘disgusted’, via ‘angry’, ‘cheated’ and ‘upset’. Not one single positive comment. And a common theme was a feeling that the makers had stuck two fingers up at the millions of loyal Bond fans; that they had fundamentally disregarded the pact made over 25 years between producers and audience. Comedian David Mitchell wrote this excellent piece (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/oct/10/ah-mr-bond-i-was-expecting-you-to-entertain-me) on why the ending felt like a kick…

February 28, 2022 Read more
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